Solivagant Mavourneen
by Aphelion and Apogee
Summary: There is not always light when all hope is lost... [Guremahi/Gureshin] [Heavy spoilers but also canondivergent scene (I can't believe it turned out to be quite similar!)]


Guren stays there in muteness, Kureto is there and chains that had pierced him burn his nerves with pain. But the pain in his chest was something much more greater, what that was, would be the blood of innocent and loyal men in his hands. Let alone that, the bodies of his squad laying limp ahead him ached ached ached ached. Influence of the demon had left his being but now there was his hollow self kneeling down. Kureto's uniform is an unique one, compared to rest of JIDA, Guren gives it to his rank naturally. His mighty figure walks ahead and stops, red gaze immediately checking Guren's worn out ones. The face he had donned when inspected closeley by the Lietunant General surely was not of a demon's, with a gesture of Kureto's hand the bindings enchanted with fuda leave Guren and before he collapses larger man catches him.

But purple irises don't leave the limp bodies, cadaver are all around and the smell of blood is strong. On floor, swords, gears, alive soldiers and Guren, crimson liquid had splashed all over and around. He had forgotten how to breathe there, hopelessness finding its way into his insides and twisting him sickly. Kureto doesn't miss the way he is (actually) breathing the more he looked ahead. Pants, shallow, shakey and deep. So upon that, he slightly pulls Ichinose to a more comfortable position as he was just laying limp, gripping both his shoulders to have him sit straight and still "They are fine, you just knocked them out." He wonders, if Guren can hear him.

First, Shinya's throat was surrounded by Guren's palm with a strong grip and without a doubt getting choked to unconsciousness. Seeing the white haired man fall limp was an instant alert for others and they, they immediately reacted to stop the namanari from stabbing Shinya with his blade. That was when he quickly knocked others too, thanksfully before Guren could massacre them, he was tranquilized and now his other side was mostly dormant. It doesn't take long Guren's lashes flutter and lids shut.

When he woke up, first thing they did was to meet up. To both their suprise Guren is opting a calm approach towards the other and the first set of words that spill are "Are they okay?" Kureto nods, knowing that Guren would not be able to take a loss that level for the second time "They were, however, told you were the one who jailed them."

"Why?"

"Because that is what made sense. Goshi and Jujo saw you pointing the sharp edge to Shinya, surely this answer should not rise any question marks and be sufficient enough."

"Yeah...Right..." he mumbles quietly and looks at the sky line next to the next head of Hiragi who remains quiet for a while alongside Guren until he breaks the silence "Make sure to carry those tranquilizer drugs with you more often Guren, you tend to get out of control after a while." his tone is not changing, harsh and full of signs of his authority "Also gather yourself up, make yourself presentable because you are anything but that." he taps his shoulder as he walks away.

Ever since Guren had a heartseaze, more than a decade had passed over it. He doesn't remember, but does he want to? Mahiru is as loud as ever and he just lets out a soft sigh. The images of kids, sword cutting Yuu's arm almost off and the desperate but distant cries around, were still fresh in his memory. According to the info given he had no consciousness for over a week. As a week had passed, it was almost like the Nagoya was yesterday. Without realizing he had looked at inside his hands, realization ending up with him clenching his fist shut and moving his hand to his side as he walked away too.

He can't bring himself to confront his friends yet, not when it was just one week over his betrayal. He wonders, how would the experiment have gone if instead of getting possessed he had been able to complete his sentence.

 _"They are at Shinjuku._ "

He had intended to say but he had let the cat out instead. Was it a favoring situation for Kureto, had the experiment aced?

A guilty part of him wants all seraphs, wants to control them all so they can live. What will be left for him, he wonders, when remaining two years end as well. All these thoughts are reminded by the woman inside the sword over and over, an endless cycle of nightmares. If he wants to forget for a while, Mahiru-no-yo never allowed him to becase she wanted him to recall 24/7, never forget so one day she could find a weakness and completely possess him. If she does that, he will disappear and he would want to disappear. However not yet, not when they are still breathing and alive. If seraph of the end is a success, with their strings at hand then his friends' lifespan could be prolonged. He remembers their premature bodies growing cold, skin turning into dull hues and losing any signs of life. Shinya was at first limp at his arms when he reached out to his body, left side of torso completely beaten up, skin ripped and blood unstoppably pouring down from the open wound. Ravaged body left a trail of blood behind whilst Guren had intended to carry his still alive friend to a safer place. Shinya had told him to stop and he was looking so very stupid with a face like that. The more he talked the more blood he lost but Shinya was begging at one point, rest of corpses were left where Mahiru was. In Guren's arms, Shinya's pained face with a forced smile was wet from endless tears when it stilled into a peaceful one.

Then he thinks of Yuuichiro, boy putting a lot of truth into him. Guren knows, the idiot will come back for him. He doesn't want him to end the same way as he did. Because they were sharing a lot of similar qualities. Guren is glad that boy has different points too, but similarities outweight them. He had managed to gather all seraphs and have them get a black demon but at what cost? Playing the rude person and pretending to be a lazy carefree bastard is easy. What explanation shall he give to those children? He had none, no pride and no explanation to ease them. These was all selfish acts of human kind.

 _"Live, live until you find a reason."_

Or something as that, he had told him. How pathetic he is for being unable to live up to his words. Because his reason to live was his treasured friends, said friends were doomed to die unless he does something.

At home, Guren's routines are dull, boring. Unlike usual Sayuri doesn't bring him the curry he likes, Goshi is not there not is Mito, Shigure's silent presence and warnings to Sayuri are missed and Shinya, Shinya was the one who brought them all together.

If that day at First Shibuya, he had not approached him, life would have been different. He is eternally grateful but he would not voice that. He was the one who changed Guren's life greatly, or if he had not saved him from Noya. He was his best friend but Guren had no luxury of sharing his secrets, troubles with the man because no, he wanted to keep them safe yet... On the other hand, the man whom he wanted to hate mutually like the spoiled brats they were in highschool was now the only confidant in life he had. Everything Guren had committed, everything he had lived, experienced, the pain were known by that man, Kureto Hiragi. Now laying on bed, salty tears burned his sclera and he could not blink the tears away as he wished to do so.

If anything, this was his right. This time he had no Shinya to comfort him, nobody. Let passing hours be his to cry his heart out fully like a child. If there was one thing, he was not getting the blood off of his hands. He had lost his father, clan, friends, Mahiru and he was just losing his friends over and over.

 _Guren had made his mind up on not falling in love after last events, especially not with certain people. But for some reason when Shinya latched onto his lips, Guren did not pull away. He remained unresponsive, when Shinya pulled away the first crystal flake of snow blurred their view, landing between their noses. It is soon enough whole ruined city is dusky with white, stars illuminating the dark sky now blurred. Something came to him, mild warmth weather brought was nothing compared to Guren's house. Closing the distance between themselves, Guren immediately pulled Shinya inside and kissed him gently, coating his lips as he felt heat on latter's face rise significantly. Soon the innocent kiss escalated into a make out session involving fight for dominance -which Shinya let Guren win willingly- They tongues wrapped to each other's, lapping and exploring insides. By the time they parted, there was drool running down both their chins and saliva glazing their lips. Guren's hand snaked around Shinya's middle and pulled him as close, the sensation gentle touch gave was pleasant._

 _World was going to end anyway, Shinya had given up that single hope but he would still live for his friends, for Guren until the very end. White haired teen wondered if Guren thought so too. So, since world had ended there was no going back now. He needed this after everything."_ _Cupping Guren's face Shinya leaned for another kiss, Guren seemed to be willing to return._ _It was a blizzard of emotions._ _Shinya loved Guren._ _Guren loved Mahiru._ _But he was kissing him the moment they currently were in, and did not look like it were to stop any time soon. Guren managed to get them both into his bedroom. The bed was for single person and none of them expected it to move too fast._

 ** _"Yes like that master."_** **_"Drown in it."_**

 ** _"If not then when next?"_**

 ** _"It won't feel bad either."_**

 ** _"Give me some of that delicious lust."_**

 _So they did, clothing quickly came off. Guren took his time preparing Shinya, still lack of experience overcame his care. There was a thrilling pain it brought. Despite being used to pain thanks to Kureto, this was a whole new experience to be touched so tenderly was new and exciting thus making him more sensitive and aware of the sensations. Every move sometimes earned a hiss or mewl from the teen. To ease the pain, raven would pepper kisses all over his body to distract him from the hurt._ _After Guren eased himself in slowly, younger boy tugged on sheets hard and bit his lip enough to leave a red mark. They started slow with gasps and pants. Shinya's pale legs were wrapped around other and soon he was begging for more, harder._ _"_

 _Ah -ngh..." he clung to his partner's shoulders as his demands were fullfilled, red face streaked with tears of pleasure as his earlier gasps and whimpers turned into loud moans. Soon bed was creaking rhytmithically with their movements and moans (Grunts too) Within minutes raven was slamming faster and rougher and he no longer held himself back knowing Shinya had adjusted completely. Burning senses had disappeared or were barely there compared to the pleasure, especially when Guren changed the angle of his thrusts and hit something deep inside._ _"Nn Gu- Ha...AH!" Words Shinya tried to form turned into high pitched moans and it was now impossible to hold his voice back. The pounding inside he swore was intense than anything else he had experienced, making his groin full of pooling sensations that are ready to errupt like a volcanoe. Clenching the sheets hard and gulping on saliva, his arms flew around Guren's neck and pulled him as close as he could. Chests flushing together, his partner panted in his ear as Shinya felt his body come in contact with Guren's with every movement._

 _Taking advantage of the position Guren began lazily kissing and marking Shinya from neck to chest, pale fingers tangling in black hair. It took white haired boy long enough to gather the strenght just to speak, feelings coming out selfishly and mindlesly "I - hah - I love you..." he panted, as if snapping from a trance Guren stopped and looked at the person under him._ _His hair was tousled and pale face was now reddest shade on earth, Guren could swear. Chest rising with every deep breath and confusion was evident in his eyes. He gulps and groans before trying to speak. He is thightening and spasming around Guren too much, he thinks._ _"W...what?"_ _If Shinya had not rolled his hips then, Guren would have fully snapped out of his trance and most likely permanently stop. But other boy's moves only encouraged him to pick his rhythm back up and continue thrusting, suddenly he was not holding back and Shinya cried out, tearing up even more._

Memory is not all that distant but of a few years ago, a secret. Back then he was alive in his arms, Guren reaching Shinya's core more than he ever could and fully feeling the beating of his pulse, smells, noises, senses, touches. They were all real, was he too desperate then that it never re-occurred? Tears are unstoppable as they fall down his eyes, too late for regrets and amends already he knows.

Desire to die is stronger than desire to live.


End file.
